She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
