The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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