yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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