It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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