Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Randomize
