UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
