This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
