A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
