Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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