I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
