He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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