you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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