North Korea, Best Korea!
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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