my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
