dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
