did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
