Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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