my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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