I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
