you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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