I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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