I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
