This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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