I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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