i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
