Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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