Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
