Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
