Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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