I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
