i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
