youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
