Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
