My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
