And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it glows. i had to have it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
