i don't like sucking hair
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
