So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
