I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
