you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
