WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
