I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
