Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
