How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
