Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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