All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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