You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
