Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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