Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
