Jerry, you need to find god
too bad you live with your parents still
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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