I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
