Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
