So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
