Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
