He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
