Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Randomize