Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
