I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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