Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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