I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
