so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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