Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
