That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm at about main and main street
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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