If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
