There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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