My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
