so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize