Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
