Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
