my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
